I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
