at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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