You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
