Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
