i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
