"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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