dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
