That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
