i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
