I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
