She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
