we made out on top of his cat.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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