is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
