i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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