I got chris browned last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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