By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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