I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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