when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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