I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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