if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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