Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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