i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
