Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
