let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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