John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
