y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
