i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
