I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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