The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
