The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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