I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
