I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
