yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
