i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My breasts were aching with rage.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
