I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
