I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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