I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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