did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
