listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
