if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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