On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
