I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
