also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have post one night stand depression
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
