If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
