dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
