i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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