so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
as a side note pls kill me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
