Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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