I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
