so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
