She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
